When Feelings Become Data

I used to be a drama queen, especially in my twenties—maybe it’s because I spent that decade in Madrid, and Madrid just has its own vibe. 

I started using dating apps at 27, and since then, I haven’t met a single guy outside of them. Now, without any apps, I’ve started wondering how I even met people before—they were usually at pubs or bars, in my case. But I live in Sweden, so I don't go out for a drink that often. I go to Systembolaget...

Looking back, I realize that all those experiences—breakups, being broke, having little to no social life, being ghosted, scammed online, rejected by men, navigating situationships—have hardened me. I can’t be the drama queen I once was. Those kinds of experiences have made me, well… a little insensitive, and honestly, I think I should be even more insensitive.

I saw this traffic light when I was out eating with a foodie group last year, and I thought it was like a dating life. https://umamigrill.se/malmo/

Green light: I want more, 

Yellow light: I need a break, leave me alone, 

Red light: I don't want to see you anymore.

No matter what people write on their profiles—“short-term fun,” “looking for something serious,” “still figuring it out”—most of the time, it doesn’t matter. In the end, people just want what they want, when they want it.

Labels, intentions, and promises are mostly illusions. Green lights? Only when convenient. Yellow? Only when it suits them. Red? Well, red comes faster than you expect. People crave connection, excitement, and pleasure, but only on their own terms.

I also watched a DW video about dating apps that got me thinking. 

https://youtu.be/sWUUW2RCWiE?si=wI7k5PxWBSDz_TpK

The report wasn’t just about love or hookups—it was about how these platforms operate as data businesses. Their algorithms don’t just decide who you see; they track every action you take—what you swipe, who you talk to, what you look at—and use it to keep you engaged and generate profit. In many cases, your personal data—preferences, behavior, even location—is used to create psychological profiles and sold to advertisers, which makes you realize that these apps are often more about attention and consumption than about real human connection.

Basically, I don't want to be a dating experiment or be part of someone's entertainment. But dating apps are addictive. There are a bunch of beautiful guys, real or fake profiles. First of all, why are they single? Are they really single??

I don't know how some people can have dating apps as any other social media apps. That's why I am saying I should be more insensitive, stop overreacting, stop dramatizing, and start respecting my own emotional traffic lights.

Maybe it was never about finding love. Maybe it was about staying entertained.
In a world where attention is currency, and data is profit, we swipe, we match, we talk — and we leave without leaving a trace.

Maybe we all say we want something real. But deep down, we’ve learned to want something easy.